This Flavor Makes Me Sick
At the moment: Blank
NOTE: For all of this to make sense, please read Sorbetera Ran Out Of Sorbetes first. Thank you very much ^__^
I could've forgotten all about it. The application. The test. The hope... Oh good God, the hope. But when a good friend (who also took the test) called me as soon as I woke up, I was suddenly blown to a whirlwind of emotions. I tried to grasp at least one of them but I couldn't. I wanted to feel sad but I couldn't. I wanted to feel regret but I can't. This sinking feeling of just pure emptiness clutched my heart and disabled my gift of speech. Void. A black hole leading one to nothingness.
Renzie: Nicole! The results are out.. we didn't get in. Dibale nalang, let's try again next time.
Yet there was something very sad about his voice. A painful kind of sorrow. And as I sat there, half-expecting it would happen and half hoping it wouldn't, I suddenly felt the urge to wrap myself up in my security blanket: my blog. Now as I look at the screen, reality starts to sink in. I didn't get in. Out of the 45 people, who took the test, I wasn't part of the 10 who made it.
A million things are running through my head. Should I have used another word for describing relief? Was I too cheesy in the second part of the test? Should I have triple-checked my stories? None of which matters now.
Will I write again? Of course I will. This is the only thing I'm holding dearly onto. This is my pride. I do believe that I'm fairly good at it, maybe not good enough for the paper, but I won't give up that one thing that truly makes me happy and fulfilled just because of a test.
Will I apply again? I'm still not sure. I don't think I can. I'd probably work for a smaller paper and gain more experience from there but then again, haven't I been accumulating experience all my life? In gradeschool, highschool and even the first few years of college. I've been working my ass off, practicing my craft. And now, for the first time since I started writing, I feel incapable.
Oh well, there's no use brooding over this. Thank you dear reader for taking time to share my pain. Now let's go get some ice cream and drown in its sweetness. I don't like this flavor called regret. It makes me sick. I'd make sure to scoop another flavor next time.
It makes me feel a bit awkward to say this but maybe God has another plan for me. ^__^
NOTE: For all of this to make sense, please read Sorbetera Ran Out Of Sorbetes first. Thank you very much ^__^
I could've forgotten all about it. The application. The test. The hope... Oh good God, the hope. But when a good friend (who also took the test) called me as soon as I woke up, I was suddenly blown to a whirlwind of emotions. I tried to grasp at least one of them but I couldn't. I wanted to feel sad but I couldn't. I wanted to feel regret but I can't. This sinking feeling of just pure emptiness clutched my heart and disabled my gift of speech. Void. A black hole leading one to nothingness.
Renzie: Nicole! The results are out.. we didn't get in. Dibale nalang, let's try again next time.
Yet there was something very sad about his voice. A painful kind of sorrow. And as I sat there, half-expecting it would happen and half hoping it wouldn't, I suddenly felt the urge to wrap myself up in my security blanket: my blog. Now as I look at the screen, reality starts to sink in. I didn't get in. Out of the 45 people, who took the test, I wasn't part of the 10 who made it.
A million things are running through my head. Should I have used another word for describing relief? Was I too cheesy in the second part of the test? Should I have triple-checked my stories? None of which matters now.
Will I write again? Of course I will. This is the only thing I'm holding dearly onto. This is my pride. I do believe that I'm fairly good at it, maybe not good enough for the paper, but I won't give up that one thing that truly makes me happy and fulfilled just because of a test.
Will I apply again? I'm still not sure. I don't think I can. I'd probably work for a smaller paper and gain more experience from there but then again, haven't I been accumulating experience all my life? In gradeschool, highschool and even the first few years of college. I've been working my ass off, practicing my craft. And now, for the first time since I started writing, I feel incapable.
Oh well, there's no use brooding over this. Thank you dear reader for taking time to share my pain. Now let's go get some ice cream and drown in its sweetness. I don't like this flavor called regret. It makes me sick. I'd make sure to scoop another flavor next time.
It makes me feel a bit awkward to say this but maybe God has another plan for me. ^__^
ice cream sold by sorbetera at 8:49 AM
18 Comments:
hey, life's like that. you win some, you lose some. you'll get your day in the sun, don't worry. ^_^
thanks iamstorm.. or should I call you timmy? I linked you up already. Expect to be bombarded with comments from now on. ^__^
oh, comments, i don't mind. bombard away. it's tim, btw. ^_^
haha okay then tim. your visits are very much appreciated. you're bored aren't you? ^__^
(notice how we end every post with: ^__^)
i put the anime smiley as a habit. bored? not really. ^_^
and if im not mistaken, i dont think that "^_^" is the end of our similarities...
as I do too. ^__^
I think the ^__^ gives a sort of warm impression. I've always been accused of sounding like a bitch online so I developed the habit of putting ^__^ in my posts.
you've been accused of being a bitch, i've been accused of being arrogant. sigh. so i put the smiley because its cute and to be nice. ^_^
haha! well how about that? Something in common already! I sense a blossoming friendship. ^__^
actually there IS more. its purely coincidental - i haven't decided whether i like it or not, or even if it means something in the first place. i don't know how you'll react, and you might consider it inappropriate for me to say outright at this stage of our acquaintance-ship, so i won't say it unless you ask me to. ^_^
question: do you like harry potter? ^_^
answer: I like it but not as much as my friends do. ^__^
Oooh.. that post made me curious like hell. ^__^ but I think I'll torture myself more first before asking you what it is. I would like to have that nice feeling of looking back. ^__^
i don't know, its kinda lame, actually.
do you have a YM id? this is hard, corresponding through comments. ^_^
hahaha! I know!! I've been wondering about that myself. My YM id's in my profile ^__^
this won't help you cope actually:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!THERE WAS A MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
iamacoldbitchsubmeregedinboiledicecreamespeciallywhenmyfavewritersgettheboot.
hahaha! tricia!!! Yeah I dropped by the office to see for myself.. turns out only 6 were admitted.
Oh.. and looks like your message is cut.. >.<
thanks anyway tricia ^__^
as the old saying goes, try and try until you success. :)
I hate it too when I tried for jobs. I know despite being a fresh grad, I managed to horne my skills. But they say some things are really not meant for you.
It only means something better would be up soon. ^_^
I'm impatient waiting for that soon yet when I'm here on-line I enjoy the advantage I get from not having a a job right now.
I was just as crushed when I didn't make it to the TWG.
Now I can't seem to write verses and stories the way I used to.
It's just so sad... *sigh*
Awwww.. Sad naman.. But hey, you said it yourself, God has a plan. It's not a maybe. It's definite. So keep on writing.. One day, you'll find yourself in the best place you can ever be.. Where He plans you to be.. for now, blog ka nalang muna. I'm a fan. For me, you are a talented one. :)
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